Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
