I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
