So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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