i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
