Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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