I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
