Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
