Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
