I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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