discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
two words...techno handjob
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
