On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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