I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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