Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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