I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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