Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
