So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
