toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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