Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know her cup size but not her name....
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