But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
