so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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