I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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