You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
