her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
