Moan for me like Helen Keller
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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