she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
