you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
