There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
