my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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