You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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