Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
