Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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