My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we're so committed to being not committed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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