My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
