I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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