i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
