they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
