They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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