if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
