dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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