Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
