i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
