end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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