I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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