I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
