I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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