Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
