It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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