I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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