I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
