maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
