i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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