Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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