i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
